Endings

31 December 2018 (blog index)

Hey, it's the final 24 hours of 2018.

To be honest, this year has been pretty good for me. I can't complain about very much. For me, a lot of things started and a lot of things ended. And there's something I learned from pretty much every ending. So, I guess endings can be pretty good. Even if they're sad sometimes.

Something I do want to talk about is my relationships. Or maybe more how people perceive me. People like to show me stuff, which is really cool, I'm always very happy to share experiences. Something I find really interesting, though, is how often someone sends me something along with a claim like "this is a very 'Cameron' show/clip/whatever". It's cool that the thing reminds them of me, but they're often so far off the mark! I guess the way people perceive me vs the way I perceive myself is very different.

The video for this entry is my favourite ending ever. It's from the anime One Punch Man. And this video captures something I can relate to. There's these two dudes fighting, and it's so obvious that one of them finds the fight trivial, while the other is really in to it... If you watch the full episode, you learn that the bald guy is holding back and pretending he has to try... That's something I'm really guilty of when I do things with other people. I purposly dial my skill back, otherwise where's the fun for any of us? There's a lot in OPM that I can relate to, if you want to get to know me a bit better, watching that anime might be a good place to start. I'm not saying I'm strong or noble like Saitama is... but I definitely feel like our experience with life is similar.

People seem to think I am naturally talented - and hey, maybe I am. But a lot of effort goes in to getting good at the things I'm good at. I think I become more intensely interested in things than most, and end up having very deep knowledge or ability. At times it can be heartbreaking. I've had conversations with people about Lord of the Rings, for example. And it's very clear they love LOTR, but after a few minutes of conversation, it becomes apparent that they don't have the same depth of knowledge I do - which is fine! It's lovely to have something like that to share. I guess I just find it strange that someone can say "I'm the biggest LOTR fan!" and at the same time know so little about it? I dont know... I'd never say that I'm the biggest Tolkien fan, and yet I know heaps about his legendarium.

And then, there's the other side to it... After I become really good at something, it becomes boring and I lose interest. One thing that can still ignite me to do stuff, is helping other people. So that's very positive. I like doing favours for my friends because it drives me to use my skills. Of course, the main reason to do something for your friend, is because they are your friend. Otherwise what's the point of being friends :)

I'm not so sure where I'm going with all this. I just wanted to say it. I think in 2019 I need to develop my ability to prioritise and manage more - even if I find the task boring.

2019 is the last year of my 20s, and there's still quite a few goals I haven't achieved. Not that age makes that big a difference, but it's a good way to give myself a deadline. Anyway, on to 2019! Hopefully I make it a good year.

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Addendum: I thought about this post some more, and I guess someone reading it might wonder in what way I think I relate to Saitama. A few ideas come to mind. But one that stands out to me is that when I really want to achieve something, I inevitably do, and then it becomes easy and I struggle to extract joy from that activity anymore. I think that's the essence of it.